Stand up and be heard

One of my favourite quotes comes from Nelson Mandela:

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears”

Let’s first talk a little bit about fears. 

I have made no secret of the fact that I previously struggled with public speaking.  This ‘fear’ started at an early age (around 13 I think) when I gave a presentation for the first time.  I remember coming home from school and saying to my mother that I had to do a presentation on a hobby of mine.  My mum, standing there looking at me all scared and unsure, felt all her own insecurities and fears about presenting in public come flooding back to her.  She reassured me that, whilst she hated public speaking, we could do this together.  The actual presentation – on flower arranging of all things, which I knew next to nothing about – wasn’t exactly a roaring success, but to be honest, neither was it dreadful.

But for me, the belief had been born - public speaking was scary and my mum had agreed.  Combined with that, I had felt embarrassed and anxious giving the presentation and those are emotions that I didn’t enjoy.

It’s worth pointing out that I am by no means unique in this area.  Not only do many of my clients talk about this but it is estimated that around 75% of people struggle with a fear of public speaking, varying from slightly nervous to full blown panic and anxiety. I also didn’t realise until I started writing this article, that it actually has a name. Glossophobia.  Whilst many people can cope with it, some really can’t and it stops them doing things, in work, school, social settings etc.  They make choices about what to do (and not to do) based on a fear.  Some articles I’ve read suggest this fear comes all the way back from prehistoric times and the existential threat of having eyes on us.

As a young HR professional, I would buy my colleague supper if she agreed to run my inductions for me.  Why?  I was absolutely terrified of standing up and speaking to people.  The apprehension of being asked a question that I didn’t know the answer to, was almost paralysing me with fear.

I won’t labour the point but from my experience, here is an example of how NOT to support someone struggling in this space:

I was invited last minute to a “team building” weekend.  I was unprepared as I hadn’t been given the pre work and had to muddle something together for a ‘presentation’ we were giving about ourselves.  I wasn’t comfortable at all.  I confided in the facilitator – a trained professional – that I was nervous, in the hope I guess, of receiving some reassurance.  He told me not to worry.  Two hours later, having watched every single other one of my peers give their presentations, the facilitator called on me.  He introduced me, not like he had the others, but by saying to the room “let’s give Helen a big hand because she is really, really nervous about doing this.”

Seriously?  Yes.  He really did that.  The feeling of humiliation, anger and disgust was almost overwhelming.

Has reading that made you cringe?  Just writing it has made my palms sweaty.

For the record, that approach obviously didn’t work in making me feel more comfortable, neither did imagining the audience naked, looking at a point at the back of the room, nor, for me Toastmasters (I attended one meeting and it frightened the life out of me).

Fast forward a few more years to sitting around the board table at a management meeting where the head of the business informed me that I would be presenting at the upcoming conference for people leaders.  I’d been in the job for about a month.  I still had a pretty unhealthy fear of public speaking and in that moment, I could feel the sense of overwhelm descending. My built-in flight, or freeze, instinct started to kick in but this time I decided enough was enough.  This time I went for hypnotherapy and developed a habit for affirmations.  I delivered the speech, and I did it well.

I remember one of my colleagues commenting that she was amazed that I’d managed to get to my level of seniority without having to give regular presentations.  What could I say?  I’d made choices of avoidance, based on this fear.

It was around the same time that my manager initiated an intense 2-day public speaking skills course for me.  I’d had a coach a couple of years before, but they’d been more of a trainer focusing on the details of how to structure a presentation rather than overcoming the fear itself.

This course turned out to be a bit of a turning point for me so let’s park the fears and move onto hopes…

Following the 2-day course, for the first time ever I found myself being motivated by the desire to succeed in the public speaking space.  Amazingly I chose to co-MC a corporate awards evening.  And even more amazingly, I actually enjoyed it.

Leaving the corporate world to run my first business, I found myself regularly giving presentations.  The first time I stood up in front of a room of Veterinarians to talk about my work I was obviously nervous, but I was talking about something I loved, and knew more about than my audience.  I was invited to be a guest lecturer at a college for Vet Nurse students and ran workshops.

I thrived giving these presentations and talks.

More recently, as a coach I ran a workshop on Imposter Syndrome.  I loved it.

Why?  What is making the difference?

I have finally managed to switch the negative into a positive.  Rather than thinking about feeling embarrassed and being overwhelmed by a sense of doom about what could go wrong, now I am choosing to stand up because I am driven by the desire to support others, to impart knowledge, to assist learning.  I can tap into my authenticity.

Yes, I’m also now equipped with some very tangible and practical tools for structuring and preparing.  Most times (but not all) I own the content, so rather than delivering a pre prepared induction or training session that I am no expert in, and actually have little interest in, I can make it my own.  Even if I don’t fully own the content, I can still make it real for me with subtle tweaks and my own spin.

So, what have I learnt?

·         Honestly the best tip I was ever given was to ‘make it yours’.  Get comfortable with your material, and with who your audience will be.

·         Preparation does pay off.  Being prepared will help you feel more at ease but if you overprepare it can be detrimental. If you’re fearful of public speaking I would advise against trying to wing it!

·         Having some nerves is completely normal, and healthy.  It’s important to understand this and not allow the feelings to engulf you with a sense of panic.

·         Last but most definitely not least; Focus on your breathing and clear your mind of clutter.  Go for a breath of fresh air if you can before you have to stand up.

I invite you to think about what choices you are making that could be driven by fears rather than hopes, and where this may be holding you back.  If you were guided more by your hopes, and not overly dominated by your fears, how would that look / feel for you?  What would it make possible?